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This June, at Gay Pride celebrations across the country, many people may feel invigorated with hope for the future of gay/lesbian rights and then make the decision to be open about their feelings at work.
In 1993, Dan Cullinane worked as a purchasing manager for a Baltimore comic book distributor. The industry was "geek land, dominated by somewhat socially retarded straight men." Cullinane was not explicitly out in the office, and no one talked about his sexuality -- to his face.
That spring he and his boyfriend attended the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) March on Washington DC. For three days, they held hands on the Metro, kissed on the street, chanted and "felt brave and strong." But Sunday night, back home in Baltimore, he and his boyfriend were once again in the minority. Cullinane resented the feeling and vowed never to be invisible again.
At work, he began to talk about "my boyfriend." If fellow workers felt uncomfortable, he understood that was their problem, not his.
Post-Pride Rush
Cullinane's experience is not unique. Every June, GLBT employees return to the office after Pride events with new energy. They may come out using a simple gesture, like pinning a rainbow button on their cubicle wall or placing a photo of their lover on their desk.
Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people flock to Pride parades and parties, because at those events, assumptions and routines turn upside down. The excitement is particularly intense for first-time attendees or those who feel they must hide their true selves at work. At the office, they change pronouns when discussing their significant others or speak quietly during phone calls with their partners while their straight colleagues talk with ease. And they clam up whenever anyone asks, "So what did you do over the weekend?"
Others are more direct, leaping into water-cooler conversations with: "Did anyone see the Gay Pride parade on the news? I was so mad they didn't show me!" That assumes one is out -- even if it's never been stated before. It can also open a conversation about Gay Pride in which the gay/lesbian person can counter the flashy, flamboyant images that are often all the media show.
Back in the Office Closet?
While many employees feel empowered to come out when they return from Gay Pride events, not everyone does. For example, at his previous job, New Hampshire newspaper reporter Mike Lavers felt uncomfortable talking about his experience at Boston's Gay Pride parade. "People wouldn't have understood, or they'd have made assumptions," Lavers said. "They don't know what Gay Pride celebrations are. Their only knowledge comes from brief TV news clips of naked men dancing or flashy drag queens." Lavers admits feeling odd not talking about his great weekend. "But that was New Hampshire. Things are different there."
But when Lavers got a new job at the gay/lesbian paper In Newsweekly, his doubts disappeared. The paper is a sponsor of Boston's Gay Pride. Lavers laughs, "I can talk about it until I'm blue in the face."
Helen Carroll has it even better. Her office, the San Francisco-based National Center for Lesbian Rights, takes an official holiday the day after Pride. She looks forward to the day all employers do the same -- or at least encourage full Pride participation by all employees.
That's unlikely to happen. But in the meantime, Cullinane, who became a marketing manager for Alyson Books in Los Angeles, has this advice for GLBT employees: "On the day after Pride, listen to what your spirit says. Don't fade away. Demand your space in the world, and protect it fiercely. When you stand up for yourself, you stand up for all of us."
